“Taylor Swift”

July 19, 2015

My big brother Carl is a three-time loser
He’s out on my deck with a fresh fiancee
He liked what he saw and put a ring on it
Just like Jay-Z did to Beyonce…

It’s a big ugly rock, according to Karen
It probably cost him a couple months pay.
Carl likes to say all his exes are crazy
That’s not a lie, he makes ’em that way.
(I think that maybe he likes ’em that way.)

Carl’s what you might call an expansive being
though child support’s lately been cramping his style
He’s never pay back the money he owes me
But he’ll buy a round every once in a while

I don’t know nothing about country music
But I think Taylor Swift is a helluva kid
You can’t always survive your disasters
I don’t mind saying, I’m glad that I did
Some I wish I could play the piano
Sometimes I wish I could play the guitar
Sometime I wish I could sing like Rhiannon
Mostly I’m happy with the way that things are
(I’m the luckiest monkey since Ringo Starr)

Carl’s got a two-bedroom condo in Dallas
empty but for his TV and a cobwebbed Bowflex
He’s got an Italian shotgun and a Yukon Denali
Ostrich skin boots and a Chinese Rolex

Carl’s first wife was his high school sweetheart
Carl’s second wife seemed like a dear
Carl’s third wife was a ninja assassin
With a heart colder than titty bar beer

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